‘Crash’ing Bore
2006 Oscars fail to measure up
Blog by Star!Expert, Monday, March 06, 2006
In my opinion the Oscars sucked this year… and how did they suck? Let me count the ways.
1) THE OUTFITS: We can usually count on one misguided celebrity to wear an outfit that screams “help”, but this year they were soooooo safe… when Charlize Theron’s black Galliano gown stands out as the only affront to our fashion senses then you know you’ve got a pretty lame line-up of choices (I actually kind of liked the dress and at least appreciated that Charlize was trying to for something glamorous)… where were the Bjork/J. Lo/Celine Dion monstrosities that we’ve come to love and expect?
2) THE HOST: Jon Stewart was okay but I wasn’t feeling him (I’m channeling Randy Jackson in case you didn’t guess)… he had a couple good one-liners but overall it was just alright. My suggestion for next year is hire Meryl Streep and Lily Tomlin to host the whole thing… their Altmanesque banter was the highlight of the evening.
) THE SPEECHES: Besides George Clooney’s acceptance speech there wasn’t another memorable one in the bunch… and what was with playing the music at the start of each winner’s speech? It made it seem like Final Jeopardy.
4) THE MONTAGES: Those fricking montages!!! First of all, they made no sense… and second, they were stupid. ‘Nuff said.
5) THE WINNERS: And finally, the Oscar choices this year were just dumb. Everyone prattled on about how this was a watershed year for indie film, how indie film was getting their just due, that big Hollywood films were over, blah blah blah… so what two films march off with 3 Oscars apiece?
Memoirs Of A Geisha and King Kong, two movies cited as perfect examples of where Hollywood went wrong this year! Way to stick it to them Academy! And Crash… does anyone remember the reviews this movie got when it came out? Roger Ebert was the only critic to sing its praises (he also gave 4 stars to Kong and Geisha). Crash is an okay movie, but more in the mold of a Showtime movie than an Oscar winner… and didn’t we see the very same movie 15 years ago when it was called Grand Canyon? Maybe gay cowboys were too scary for Hollywood after all… John Wayne, you can stop spinning.
Note to the Academy: next year, don’t count on me watching. Oh who am I kidding, I’ll be there – but I won’t be happy about it.
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