Blog by Sean Gehon, Wednesday, July 18, 2007
There are those who believe that the greatest job that any human being can have is to be a parent. Raising a child can be a rewarding and often trying task. Perhaps the first hurdle is in choosing a name for your child. The name you choose for your child is going to stay with them for the rest of his or her life. Many things should be taken into consideration when you make your choice, especially if that child is going to be subjected to the paparazzi.
Jordan and Peter Andre became the proud parents of a beautiful baby girl recently. It was announced that the girl was going to be named Bunny. To be frank, I have no idea who Jordan or Peter Andre are outside of the fact that gossip blogs seem to be obsessed with their existence. With the announcement of their new baby’s name, I started to think about other celebrity baby names like Gwenyth Paltrow’s kids Moses and Apple, or Demi Moore and Bruce Willis’ three daughters Rumer, Scout, and Tellulah, or perhaps the adorable daughter of Tom Cruise and Katie Homes, Suri… and found myself asking, what did these kids do to deserve these names?
We’ve all been to school, we’ve all experienced the awkward teen years, so we should all be aware how important it is to raise your children as best you can to help them avoid being a target of their peers. You should do everything in your power to make your child appear normal while in public, giving them a name like Apple, or Suri, or Scout is just asking their peers to make fun of them at every corner. Nobody wants to subject their child to having the bad hair cut, the ugly pants, or the easily-made-fun-of name.
For example, my parents told me one day that if I were born a girl they were going to name me Heather Anne Gehon. Ideally, there’s nothing wrong with that name, until you look at what my initials would have been: H.A.G. My parents were going to label me a hag. Can you just picture the hazings these celebrity kids are going to get because of stupid naming decisions their parents have made?
Elementary and High school are never an easy time for anyone. We all went through that awkward phase of growing up, and having to deal with our changing bodies and those horribly embarrassing teenage moments, why make it worse by having a stupid name? Once your child grows up and is old enough to realize that you were an evil parent and gave them a ridiculous name, they’ll resent you for life, and you’ll probably be forced to pay thousands of dollars in therapy bills. Save yourself some money and just give your child a normal, yet interesting name.
I’m all for creativity and personal expression as long as it doesn’t affect another human being on this planet. Perhaps it’s time to just let our kids pick their own names. Start calling them "hey you" when they’re young, and once they reach the age of five they get to pick their own names. If we had our own creative naming control we would have nobody to blame but ourselves. Of course there’s always the option of numbering ourselves instead of being subjected to the embarrassment of being a Shiloh or a Scout.
If nothing else comes of this, and we continue to get bizarre baby names, I simply urge you… the readers of this blog; be good to your children, they’ll pick the old folks' home you wind up in one day. Good luck Demi, Brad, Angelina, and all you other wacky celebrities, I know I wouldn’t want to end up in an ill-equipped nursing home, I’d rather just live off my kids… like all good freeloading old people!
Sean (I’m going to name my future son River, and my future daughter, Listerine. Just kidding!)
